Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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