I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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