You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am available for nakedness
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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