And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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