my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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