It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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