I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize