Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize