sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize