I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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