The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize