I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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