I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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