I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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