i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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