Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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