i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize