: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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