I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The cops high fived after they tackled you
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize