There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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