i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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