i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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