I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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