I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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