So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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