why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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