She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize