You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
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The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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