You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she peed on how many people?
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Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize