Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize