oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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