How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize