Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize