I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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