so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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