I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize