Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize