I cannot find my penis.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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