My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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