Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
operation harelip BJ is a go
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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