maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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