i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize