As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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