Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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