i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize