I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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