How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
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you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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