considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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