i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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