Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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